I am surrounded by people who permanently wallow in the deep, dark, depths of sadness. They could have a choice to be happy but they would rather frown. Some days we all feel somewhat down- I would know, depression is never that far away…it’s like my shadow, chasing me. But when I have a choice, I choose to live in my own glum-free zone. No exceptions made. Life is too short to be the person always glaring at my fellow passengers on the train each morning. I would rather smile at them, offer my seat to the elderly ones, courteously let someone get off the train ahead of me (even if I am running late), because stewing and fuming and moping about it makes it worse. Funnily enough, having a smile (or rather, not frowning) can sometimes be counter-productive…I’ve had people mutter nasty things to me for daring to smile at them. So now I just have a smile-free, neutral look that I’ve perfected for commuting. That, and reading material to avoid eye contact.
At work, it’s the same thing. I guess people think that it is just some kind of African stoicism that keeps me from screaming at some of the stuff people can do that would get on most people’s nerves. It’s not that I am all zen and irritation free, it is that I view my job as something that pays for my lifestyle and my true passions, so even if it drives me nuts, I am here on earth for other reasons, least of which is my job. During the course of my day I see how angry some people get over small non-events or how irritable people get over inane things, slights to their ego/person both imagined and real. What bothers me is that after all these years of working, they have not yet created a coping mechanism or tried to resolve the situation aggravating them. They would rather be angry/irritable/moody than deal with the real issue. What a life I say.
Call me Pollyanna, I just think that we all should learn to prioritize and categorize what’s really important before we all lose our minds. If you will just raise your blood pressure without changing anything, then it is not worth getting mad about. I spend a lot of time saying “it could be worse”, “how does this affect your life?”, “does the person know you are this angry?”, “what will you do about it”…that I’m sure it drives anyone venting to me nuts. But hey, if you enter my personal zone, that’s all I’m offering…glum-free rationality. Trust me, if you have ever been truly depressed, you know better than to stew in unresolved anger…aka the edge of the abyss. Just let it go…let it go…
6 Comments
October 22, 2008 at 12:57 am
i am easygoing.
works for me.
lots of stuff that would aggravate me is just water off a duck’s back.
i like this bit; “…it is that I view my job as something that pays for my lifestyle and my true passions, so even if it drives me nuts, I am here on earth for other reasons, least of which is my job.” heck yes!
The expression “like water off a ducks back” was often repeated by my dad. I learned as I grew older not to be so ‘aggravatable’. I must say that it drove me nuts when he wouldn’t get aggravated if I did something wrong, but tried to figure out WTF I was thinking and take it from there (he has never raised his voice at any of us even in anger, it was always calm, reasonable behaviour)…which probably had better results than if he had been one of the “Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child” brigade. As for the job not being my life, it has worked pretty well so far…when my art starts being financially viable then my job will be my life…
October 22, 2008 at 5:07 am
I needed to read that today. Asante.
I am coming round to the way of thinking that 31337 has quoted.
Nice post
You are welcome. This morning I had an experience where I was forced to take a breath…my bus was late, I had to dash across the street and take an alternate (more expensive) bus route. When I boarded the bus, this woman went ballistic on another passenger accusing her of reading over her shoulder or something…I sat there and thought- there is someone who either needs mental health assistance, or to just let it go…imagine what she would do if there was a ‘real’ problem? Kill someone?
October 22, 2008 at 7:33 am
I hear you! Had the kind of people you write about at my place of work Stateside. It always made me wonder why people got so worked up over trivial issues. There was one guy who was nothing but complaints 24/7. The ironical thing about him was how he’d ask you to go get a job elsewhere and stop complaining if you happened to complain yourself. If only he could listen to himself!
He probably felt like the complaints were numerous because most of the ones he heard were his own
. I think that in this society it is considered the norm to bitch about the job…the problem is that it can become dangerous- if you are highly suggestible, you might think you hate your job when that’s all everyone ever talks about. I like my job, and sometimes other people point out what I should hate about it, leaving me thinking “you don’t know me very well do you? It’s just a job- not my life”.
October 22, 2008 at 10:59 am
Ok. I have heard you.
I have a story cooking in my head on related lines. Something to do with just how sad and lonely people seem where I am. Unlike you, I look at what (I presume) other people don’t look at, like instead of the girl in pretty stilletos(sp), I am likely to notice that other girl that looks so ill-at-ease with herself. Or the odd looking man. I wonder about the story of their life and what in the whole world could put a smile on their face.
I also wonder sometimes about other people…it’s like driving past a neighbourhood and wondering about all the occupants of the houses in that street. Here though, ‘noticing’ someone might earn you their wrath (in my opinion there is, sadly, a v. high proportion of unmedicated & untreated mentally ill, drug addicted people in Vancouver compared to most cities I’ve been to), so you ‘notice’ people without ‘noticing’ them LOL
October 23, 2008 at 2:05 am
Amen to glum free. I used to get upset with my working conditions till I discovered that it is not my life, as you aptly said “something that pays for my lifestyle and my true passions.” I make the most of it and when the appropriate time comes I shall move on.
that’s the spirit
October 24, 2008 at 12:26 pm
i passed this man yesterday and there were puddles everywhere. Cars were barely missing him but this guy just kept smiling and carried on, his merry way…I envied him his great smile. He might have even been having a crap day but he kept smiling. Hope I remember this in hard times:) glad you’re back…are you?
Glad to be back. I’m full of inspiration…maybe the coming of winter in a few weeks makes me feel more drawn to my desk (and creativity) rather than the outdoors or other social activities.