DRIVE Me Crazy!

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Getting around Nairobi on any normal day always makes for an interesting story. There is always something happening around you that if you are not careful, you might end up becoming the story! There was a time when taking matatus was like breathing for me. As soon as I passed the driving test and got my licence to drive, that was it! I would drive at any opportunity that came up…need someone to go and ferry napier grass or hay for the cows, I’d be your gal. Need someone to drive to the post office to pick up the mail, I was game. That was all before everybody in Nairobi, their grandmother and their dog went and bought a car. Now, I may not be so eager to get behind the wheel. I had heard many people complain about the number of cars on the road, but going back home after two years was quite the eye opener.

 In November 2005 when I left, the ‘newest’ number plates were in the KAU XXX X region. In January 2008, the ‘newest’ number plates (that I saw) were in the KBA XXX X’s! In two years, that’s approximately 200,000 new cars added to the roads! This is in ADDITION to all the other cars already on the road in 2005. Even factoring in car accidents that write off cars and the number/letter combinations that are not used, that is a large number to suddenly add to the road. Might I add that the total number of new road miles added to the system overall is probably very low- possibly even zero?

Digression: there are still some cars from the old numbering system tooling around the country e.g. my cousin’s red KPE…it made it to many an event (and everyone would insist that she send a text message confirming that she arrived home at the end of the night)…she is quite the beauty too (the car…Wairimu is a looker too)- an early precursor to the ubiquitous Toyota Corolla. Just take a drive outside the city and that’s where the pre-KAA XXX Xs rule the road!

It’s not just new cars that have hit the road. There are also very many new drivers behind the wheel…I don’t have any figures to back up this claim, I just have my unscientific stick-tally of the L-sign on majority of the KBAs I encountered in traffic!
The peculiar driving habits in Nairobi just fascinated me. Each time you leave, you think that you have the ‘system’ down pat only to return and to discover that things have changed. For example, here are some things I learned:

1. No longer do the motorists in the roundabout have the right-of-way. No-oo-oo, it is now the gutsiest driver trying to join the roundabout who determines who goes first. Case in point: Entering Westlands from the city centre, the roundabout near the Mall, traffic gets snarled up when a cowardly (or wise) driver in the roundabout stops before turning left when it becomes clear that motorists heading towards the city centre are not planning to give way, or even slow down. I saw this matatu bear down, lights flashing, while a poor learner had to brake hard to let the guy go (of course all the impatient drivers behind the learner hooted and revved their engines, flustering the learner into stalling their car). When did the rules change? The roundabout only works if people obey the (logical) rules behind its operating principle! Aaargghhh!!! Only when a police officer is present in the mornings and evenings does it work.
2. Nairobians have a problem with roundabouts. Case in point: any roundabout anywhere in the city. Someone gets partway around the roundabout, then realizes “aw shucks! I’m in the wrong lane!” Do they pay the price, exit and re-position themselves correctly? Nope! They try to switch lanes WHILE IN THE ROUNDABOUT and their fellow motorists refuse to budge, angry and vindictive, all in a rush to get somewhere. Result: Gridlock as one poor driver holds up hundreds of people, trying to rectify a mistake in lane choice! Do they think lane numbers are marked for fun? Whenever I saw a driver start to dart their head around frantically, followed by a flashing indicator and a rolled down window with a flailing arm begging to be allowed to change lanes, I ground my teeth and mourned the end of road rules in Kenya. Then I inched forward to make sure that nothing but a nanometer of air separated my bumper from the car ahead of me. “That will teach the bugger not to pay attention to lanes!” Even more worrying were the folks in lane 2 (supposed to go straight ahead), blithely negotiating the roundabout at top speed, happy for the empty space ahead!
3. Many people might not realize that headlights come with more than simple ON-OFF settings. Do they wonder how come oncoming vehicles veer sharply to the edge of the road whenever they approach at night? Driving at night in Nairobi has enough problems (read: you are always wondering whether it is just a coincidence that the headlights in your rearview mirror have really been behind you all the way from the club to your residential neighbourhood) without having to deal with these ‘Flashers’ who blind you with their headlights, leaving you trying to remember what the last section of road you saw before the flash looked like! You need sunglasses to drive at night I think. The other extreme of the flashers are these folks who think that they are rabbits (or some other carrot eating species with 20/20 vision), so they don’t turn on their headlights until the sun has set and the moon risen! People! as soon as it is dusk, turn on your lights- any lights! Just because you can see doesn’t mean that I can see you especially if you are driving a monstrously dark vehicle!
4. Road courtesy has disappeared from our vocabulary. Have you tried turning at Ring Road Kilimani onto Argwings-Kodhek at 5pm? You can weep just waiting for someone to even acknowledge your flashing indicator. Drivers like me just use brute force to edge into the traffic. Being a graduate of Wings Driving School my first roundabout was the one at Globe Cinema (I know people who’ve never driven there!), my first street-driving experience was along River Road…I am a ‘shujaa’ behind the wheel- Argwings ‘ain’t nothing!’ I have to mention my good Samaritan-ism however…I always let women through after noticing that most male drivers ignore female drivers’ attempts to merge with traffic, or turn at tricky intersections…I called my ‘Pink rage’…I will let a women go ahead and join traffic, but not the guy driving immediately behind in the big SUV! Watch me move forward 1mm just to make sure he doesn’t get in (the looks on their faces? Priceless ladies!)

Digression…I came up with my own survival guide to driving in Nairobi, and it included the observation that most drivers behind the wheel of the Toyota Corolla G-Touring did not a.) value their lives, b.) recognize the rules of the road or c.) care about wrecking their cars (spare parts are a dime a dozen)! Beware the G-Touring drivers…worse than Matatu drivers, they are not to be trusted! In numerous encounters they were more likely to merge with traffic haphazardly, reverse with nary a glance over their shoulders, overtake on blind corners and most heinously, cut in front of you in traffic only to proceed and stall while they examined the wares of the roving hawkers that abound in Nairobi traffic. Give the G-touring a wide berth is all my advice!

That being said, the introduction of automatic transmissions just means that we have fewer stalls in traffic (anyone who has driven a manual transmission is aware of how capricious it can get when you suddenly can’t master the load-point of the clutch and start rolling back towards the luxury saloon behind you on a 90 degree incline e.g. the dip after Valley Arcade on your way to Kilimani!)…we also have more courageous drivers…I watched as this woman in a sedan inched forward a millimeter at a time, blocking an idiot Matatu driver from joining her lane…we almost gave her a standing ovation for the neatness of her manoeuvring…that guy isn’t about to forget the ‘drubbing’ at her hands! It was quite thrilling to watch!

My favourite driving moment in Nairobi?
Driving to Ongata Rongai on the smooth tarmac…sheer bliss…except for the little bumps running alongside the road- I was convinced I would hit one and flip the car at speed…what is the purpose of those little things? Weird!
What’s your worst/fave thing about driving in Nairobi?

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